Bottle vs. Breast and Other Touchy Subjects

So I noticed something about myself at church on Sunday. Abby had started to fuss during service, so I took her into the "Nursing Mother's Room" to calm her down and feed her. Two other mothers were in there nursing their babies. As I whipped out my formula filled bottle I immediately began to wonder "what do these women think of me? Should I explain why I'm giving Abby formula instead of nursing?" Although I didn't do so right away, I was very careful to make sure that by the end of service they knew that the reason Abby is formula fed is because I couldn't nurse for a time after I had the procedure to stop my hemmorahging, and after Abby had a taste of the bottle nursing became virtually impossible. I also made sure to let them know that I really tried -- that I continued for ten days despite Abby's struggles and frustration, and that we shelled out the bucks to see a lactation consultant in the hopes that that would help.



Why the need to tell the whole story about my decision not to nurse? I thought about it afterward, and I realized that I was preempting the judgment I assumed these women would make about me. And I realized that I do it any time I make a decision that is not the "norm" or concerns a touchy subject. Case in point, my decision to go back to work full time after six months. But why the need to do so? I think it's because, especially as women, we do often judge other's decisions. So, even if these women weren't judging me, there are women out there who would -- and I've encountered them.



I think this tendency to judge is tragic. These types of parenting decisions -- bottle vs. breast, working vs. staying at home, public school vs. private school -- are all discretionary. One is not right and one is not wrong across the board. Simply put, to work outside the home, give your child a bottle of formula, or send her to public school is not sin. One might be right for one family, and the other right for another family. To judge a woman for making these choices just doesn't make sense, especially when the judging is done by a stranger or acquaintance who is not familiar with the whole situation and doesn't know the prayer and thought that may have gone into the decision. I doubt this issue will be resolved this side of heaven (don't we all love to judge?), but in the meantime I'm going to work on being comfortable with my decisions and not assume what others may or may not be thinking about me.



And just so no one forgets what she looks like, I've included a picture of the 14 lbs. 1 oz formula fed seven and a half week old from a couple weeks ago. At least we know she's not starving to death on formula!